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Trade

Who says no to these 11 NHL trades (featuring things that can’t actually be traded)?

This post was originally published on this site.

It’s been a week, but most of us are still in shock. NHL GMs actually did it. They pulled off the impossible: Meaningful midseason trades. More than one, even.

Well, if they can do it, so can we. Welcome back to “Who Says No?”, the feature where you send me your trade proposals involving things that can not be traded.

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We tried this over the summer, with trades involving Brass Bonanza, Carlton the Bear and the 1999 Super Bowl. Were any of those trades realistic? No, they were not. But neither was “The Canucks trade Quinn Hughes to a team that isn’t the Devils,” and look where that ended up.

What did you fine folks come up with this time around? I’m almost afraid to find out, but let’s dig in.

(Want to send in your trade ideas for a future version of this column? Email your proposals to here.)

Oh man, this guy is good at making up fake trades. He should try to get a job doing that or something.

OK, let’s break this down. The Knights get a ton of value here, since they now have an easy way to get out of bad contracts, which is slightly more convenient than their current method of Kelly McCrimmon jumping a guy in the parking lot and suplexing him until he waives his no-trade. Having this sort of get-out-of-jail-free card would allow them to be even more aggressive in going after big names. On the other hand, it could also make star players more reluctant to commit to Vegas, because they’d know they were five bad games away from having to walk around pretending that cowboy hats are cool.

For the Flames, they get the ever-present threat of their salary cap structure being thrown into chaos for a decade to come, which would be tough. But if I’ve learned anything from Canadian fans in recent years, it’s that having no tax means that you’re guaranteed to land every star player who becomes available, so this could really jump-start the rebuild in Calgary. Also, it would make Edmonton Oilers fans really mad, and that’s a huge plus.

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In the end, my gut is that the Flames say no, if only because the tax thing is a handy excuse if you’re already struggling to attract talent. But they at least order a few pizzas and get the whole front office together to talk it over first.

Let’s do another Vegas offer…

Ottawa trades Gladiator Guy from the 2008 Sens-Pens playoff series intro to Vegas for forgiveness for the Dadonov trade NTC fiasco.

— acedeblois.bsky.social (@acedeblois.bsky.social) December 16, 2025 at 9:01 PM

This is a trade that helps both teams, although it’s tilted in Ottawa’s favor. They’re basically trading away an asset they have no use for, and getting a first-round pick back in return. Then again, the Bruins got a first for Brandon Carlo, so…

From the Vegas side, it’s a little dicier. Adding the Spartan Guy to their already stacked lineup of pregame shenanigans is almost an embarrassment of riches. But do they want to let the Senators off the hook for the Dadonov debacle? Maybe not, although the situation already cost Pierre Dorion his job, so maybe that’s enough. After all, the Senators are in the other conference, so it’s not like the Knights should care all that much about them having a pick or not.

Ultimately, I think Vegas says no. But it’s a “let’s see you sweeten the pot” no, not a hang-up-the-phone no. Throw in a little more value from the Ottawa side, like the rights to the Mendes Monday Musings and three terrible puns to be named later, and you might have something here.

Chicago trades their place in the Central Division with Detroit in the Atlantic.

— Stefan M (@stefanmarkus.bsky.social) December 16, 2025 at 2:29 PM

Intriguing! I’m going to put aside the question of travel because I grew up in a world where Chicago had teams in the NL East and the AL West at the same time, so I have absolutely no idea where they are geographically to this day. Does it make sense for the rebuilding Blackhawks to get away from the Stars, Avs and Wild and into a division where the Lightning and Panthers are both slowly aging out of their windows? Probably. And since games that start at 7 Eastern are the only ones that actually matter, this move helps Connor Bedard’s marketability.

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The downside is that they lose their divisional rivalry with the Blues. But they get the Leafs back, which makes up for some of that. I think Chicago takes this deal.

The question is whether Detroit would. They’re in more of a win-now mode, or at least a “make the playoffs or come reasonably close now” mode, which makes switching to a top-heavy Central seem like a bad idea. The big lure here is that you could rekindle the single greatest rivalry of the modern era, but maybe we have to accept that modern NHL hockey just doesn’t work that way anymore. At some point, you just have to let it go. (Wipes away a tear, cranks up “Leave the Memories Alone” while playing NHLPA 93 with fighting turned on.)

Where was I? Oh right, the Red Wings say no.

I can see the logic from the Devils side. But are we sure Guerin’s even bringing Jack Hughes? Not sure you need all that fancy-pants “skill” and “scoring” if it means skimping on a checking line of Brock Nelson, Vincent Trocheck and a tattered photo of Joel Otto taped to a bag of cement.

Besides, “Devils fans going on about signing Quinn in 2027” already feels like yesterday’s news. We’re already on to “Wild fans going on about signing Jack in in 2030.”

Bruins trade goalie coach Bob Essensa and his established Vezina winning track record (Thomas x2, Rask, Ullmark) to McDavid Era Oilers for either the 1988 or 1990 Stanley Cup so Bourque could have earned one with the Boston.

— Terry Hayden (@haydenterry.bsky.social) December 16, 2025 at 3:03 PM

Brilliant. Both teams say yes. The only question is whether Edmonton fans want to give up 1988 or 1990. I’m guessing it’s the former, so they don’t have to hear about how they never won without Gretzky, but we can hammer that detail out while we’re on hold for the trade call.

Terry Pegula for Francesco Aquilini, who says no?

— Voline (@voline.bsky.social) December 16, 2025 at 4:56 PM

For the record, last time we had a proposal of Pegula for Alex Meruelo. Is Aquilini an upgrade or a downgrade? I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader.

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But yeah, the Sabres and Canucks were the most represented teams among your various proposals, and it wasn’t all that close. A few of you even wanted to just swap the two team’s histories or even their collective misery, which feels like a classic lose-lose trade of my headache for your headache. Then again, we thought the same about the Darcy Kuemper/Pierre-Luc Dubois trade, and that one worked out pretty well. Huh.

Anyway, this feels like a reasonably even deal, but I’m guessing that Vancouver says no, because the last thing they want to risk is taking a step back in terms of ownership. And Buffalo definitely says no, because as frustrated as hockey fans might be with Pegula, the Bills have a legitimate chance to finally get back to a Super Bowl this year, and they’re not going to make any deals that risk that.

Connor McDavid and Sidney Crosby swap ages in return for one of Crosby’s Stanley Cup wins.

— Terry (@tkelly.bsky.social) December 16, 2025 at 2:28 PM

Crosby jumps at that deal in a second, right? He loses one of his three rings, and gains another decade in the league? He wouldn’t even have to think about it.

McDavid says no, though. This is the sort of deal you make when desperation has set in, and I don’t think McDavid can get there when he isn’t even 30 yet. If anything, he might feel like winning “only” one Cup won’t be enough, and he might be right. And if all he wanted was one ring, he could just sign with the Panthers or Avs or whoever in a few years for the minimum.

Now if it were all three rings … hmm.

Speaking of Crosby…

I circled back to clarify the rules with Elliott: Canada could pick which Penguins Cup it wanted, but Crosby becomes American from that point on. That’s not guaranteed to change the outcomes of any future international tournaments, but it could.

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With that understood, Canada says no. Even if you choose the 2017 Cup, which means we don’t lose any of our existing Olympic gold medals, it means Crosby is on Team USA for the 4 Nations. Given how close those two teams were, and that the gold medal game went into overtime, there’s a very good chance Crosby being on the other side changes the result. As you may have noticed, us Canadians were a wee bit cranky with the U.S. at the time, so this is a big ask.

Would Canadian hockey fans trade the 4 Nations win to get a Stanley Cup for their own team? Some would, some wouldn’t. But that’s not the question here. We’d be getting one Cup, period, presumably to be handed out at random. So at best, I’m getting a one-in-seven chance at a Stanley Cup, and a six-in-seven chance that a fan base I hate ends up getting it instead. No thanks, and no deal.

Besides, we already gave you one Canadian-born superstar and let you pretend he was American. Make your own legends for a change.

Right now, the Red Wings say no. As much as Detroit fans would love to imagine having the lottery go their way for the first time in the history of the franchise, they’re fighting for a playoff spot right now, meaning they don’t want to be in the lottery this year. If their season falls apart and they’re out of the race at the deadline, they’re probably interested. Call back then.

(An additional problem: We all know the true source of that stretch of Devils lottery luck, and it’s in Carolina now. So maybe the Wings should be calling the Hurricanes instead.)

You guys were weirdly eager to trade Quebec’s arena to Arizona, as this wasn’t even the only offer to come in. But you know I love a good three-way trade, so let’s break this one down.

First up, the Jets obviously say yes. Getting possession of the Jets 1.0 record book should be a no-brainer, in the same way that the NFL handled the Cleveland Browns. “Erm, did you know Ilya Kovalchuk holds the all-time Winnipeg Jets record for …” Shut up, no he doesn’t. Gary Bettman says this is complicated. I say the Jets are the Jets. Who are you going to believe?

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Careful readers may notice that the Jets aren’t even giving anything up in this trade. Neither are the Coyotes, really, although an expansion team in Quebec might push them back in the pecking order. Still, that’s probably worth it to get a functional arena once and for all. That means they also say yes.

That leaves Quebec. They’re giving up a key asset here, even if Centre Vidéotron is already a decade old. They’d have to build something new, which would be expensive. Is it worth it to finally get an NHL team back? Of course it is. You have to give something to get something, and this may be the only chance they’re ever going to get. So they say yes too.

That’s three pieces of a three-way trade, and they’re all saying yes. So who says no? The NHL head office, obviously. Sorry, Quebec, we tried.

In a trade of unused mascots,  Boomer from the Blue Jackets for Badaboum, whose rights are held by Colorado.

Reasoning: Colorado uses cannons to safely set off avalanches, Columbus would get a blue colored mascot.

— Roland THTG (@rolandthtg.bsky.social) December 15, 2025 at 11:04 AM

You already know how I feel about the Columbus cannon situation, so it’s fair to say this is a tempting offer. And Badaboum, who was the Nordiques mascot way back when, isn’t exactly getting a ton of playing time in Colorado these days. This feels like a classic change-of-scenery trade that could work for both sides.

Here’s my issue, and I’m going to phrase it as delicately as possible. The main problem with Boomer was that some fans believed he was, uh, shaped like certain things. And when you take a good look at Badaboum, with his weirdly spherical jowls and pointy head with that, er, helmet on top … it’s just that … what’s the best way to put this … you see, my concern here would be …

You know what, screw it. You’ve got a deal, send over the paperwork and we’ll get this through to the league office.